Mental Health Series
- Anton Olbricht
- Feb 9, 2018
- 2 min read
In my youth, whenever I would express feelings of prolonged feelings of sadness, or worthlessness, or pointlessness I was told that everyone was bad days and it'll be ok. "Just get over it". This continued until I couldn't get out of bed; it wasn't worth it. In fact, the world was better off if I just stayed quarantined to these four walls. It continued. I'm wasting oxygen, and other resources. I'm not worth it.
It was at this point that I sought help. I was diagnosed and treated for depression. But treatment, as any of you who have dealt with similar issues knows, is arguably the worse part. I endured one medicine for a month, to ensure the proper concentration was in my body, to find it ineffective. Then another medicine for a month. This one made me feel a little better, let's try this. The copay: $112 each month. As an already poor college student at the time, this was obviously not feasible. Back to the drawing board. Try another pill. This one requires a gradual increase, then a month at the optimal dose. It was with this medicine that my thoughts intensified. Life somehow became more miserable and I wanted out even more. I began the painfully slow process of decreasing dosages to avoid Serotonin Syndrome, and death. Oh, irony.
It was about this time that I lost hope. I can't possibly afford the only medicine that helps, and I don't know how many more potentially life-threatening medications I can endure. I don't know what to do.
I am very grateful to Takeda Pharmaceuticals, the company that manufactures that anti-depressant that was most effective for me; I was able to enroll in a patient financial assistance program with which I qualified to receive my medication without charge. I have since been treated with this medication and while my ailment is not cured, it is, for the most part, more tolerable and controllable. I can recognize my mindset and adjust certain behaviors accordingly. These situations are much fewer and farther between.
Dark days still come. We still meet occasionally. I frequently use these days for inspiration for many of my paintings, especially in this series. Enjoy, and if you feel a particular connection, please reach out to me and bond with me over these feelings! You are most certainly not alone.
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